Dear MDM,
First, congratulations on finding a manufacturer who seems willing to take you seriously. It's not unusual for companies to refuse to consider NDAs. But you see the advantage in considering them -- the company gets a "first look" at someone else's new technology. Good luck with them!
Second, regarding provisional applications, I have a FAQ on the topic:
http://www.iveylaw.com/index.php?option=faq&task=viewfaq&artid=4&Itemid=Remember, in my last post how you had to enable the *future claims*? A provisional applicaiton is typically filed without claims and in a hurry. How can you possibly support claims you haven't even considered?
Here's a brief summary of how I write an application (different from most). I start with the background and then the figures. Then the detailed description (modifying the figures as I go along). Then the claims (now, with an intimate familiarity with the invention, it's inner workings, alternatives, and value).
Well over 90% of the time, writing the claims forces me to think of some terminology I hadn't considered when writing the specification. So, I go back to the specification and work that language in. If I'm doing this based on a previously filed provisional application, my hands are tied and I can't change language without losing the earlier filing date.
Let's look at it from the other side. Imagine you're my client and someone asserted a patent against you. Imagine that you have the resources to litigate if necessary.
I'll take a look at the patent and order copies of all the application files associated with it. If I see a provisional application, red flags go up. I'll compare the provisional application to the non-provisional application. If they're nearly identical, it looks like they knew what they were doing. On the other hand, if the applications are significantly different, I believe there's a substantial likelihood that the provisional application was filed in a hurry and probably doesn't meet the requirements of law. I would tell you that the patent is ripe for challenge (i.e., likely has significant enforceability problems). At the very least, we can make the patent holder spend lots of money explaining away the differences between the applications to a judge and jury. Perhaps (depending on the specific circumstances), your licensing "threshold" -- how high you'll go before resorting to courts to sort it out -- is significantly reduced.
One little twist here.... If I see foreign applications claiming priority on the provisional application, it's likely that the provisional was filed to preserve foreign rights and not U.S. rights. The U.S. application might not be so damaged.
The bottom line is this: your first filing is the foundation of your intellectual property fortress. Do you want to throw it together yourself with some old plywood and rusty nails you found? Or do you want it done right and strong so that you can build a substantial structure around and on it?
Having filed your own provisional isn't fatal. There's a substantial likelihood that you can build a good foundation over that or next to it or whatever.
Lastly, the notion that a provisional patent application "protects" you sounds wrong to me. It might provide some protection, but not in the way most people think. For example, there's a myth of the "poor man's patent" of mailing your disclosure to yourself. This, and much of the reasoning behind provisional application thinking by pro se (for self) applicants, seems to be based on the false notion that, if you think of it first and can prove it, you win. That's just flat wrong. It's true that the U.S. is a first-to-invent jurisdiction rather than first-to-file, but that first-to-invent has to lead *directly* to a patent application. And, if you think you'll care about protection outside the U.S., you'd better treat the U.S. as first-to-file.
Really lastly, going back to the fortress foundation notion, it's true that it takes resources (generally money, but time and work can sometimes be substituted for money). Mr. Auslander's frequent admonition that not every invention is worth a patent application is appropriate here. And, I suppose the cheap, partial effort of a provisional application might make the most sense for inventions of questionable value. However, whether a particular invention is worth the proper approach is a business decision, not a legal one. So I can't offer much help there (aside from laying out the costs to weigh against the benefits).
Caveat: You should be aware that my views on provisoinal applications are minority views. Many practitioners disagree with me. Although, the percentage of practitioners disagreeing with me seems to be shrinking over time.
I hope that clarifies.